The transition from depression to inspiration
Entry from my journal Feb. 4, 2006
Some sort of depression has gripped me and I feel dull, almost as if my image in the world is slightly fading. I see people around me talking and going about their business but they are also fading , and then I hear it. "The women were great but you couldn't get much of a lap dance" says a voice coming out of this dazed state I am in and I anchor myself back to reality as I associate this voice to its source; the chubby guy sitting at a table directly behind me. Inspiration pours into my body warming my blood and making my image solid again.Later I went back to my studio and finished a painting I have been working on for four months. I stayed up all night in order to finish it. Inspiration for me seems to be preceded by depression. The severity of the depression can almost gauge the intensity of the inspiration. I would imagine that states of happiness can also lead to inspiration yet I think that it is ultimately preceded by depression. It seems that the things that depress me have a more profound influence on what motivates me. Rossen Daskolov has some interesting things to say about this in his interview. How does inspiration come to you?
posted by kpnil at 6:51 AM
9 Comments:
I remember seeing a documentary about indian families that mined salt in 35 degrees celsius with no footwear for 18 hours a day. I think they were paid something like 30 pence a month for this. With this image etched into my psyche, I find it hard to get down about anything at the moment. I have my health, parents and siblings, and I have a few friends. I've even known love in my short life. The only thing that depresses me now is the (thankfully) brief moments when when, for whatever reason, I think that's not enough, and I should have more
6:30 PM
For me depression has many forms. The type I am discussing is what I would consider constructive depression; that which one goes through before inspiration or what I will call "inspression". It fits the perameters of what is defined as depression:
The condition of feeling sad or despondent.
Psychology. A psychiatric disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia, feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness and hopelessness, and thoughts of death. Also called clinical depression.
However, the form of depression I am discussing is followed by inspiration. I am not discussing feeling sorry for myself yet this may fall into those perameters. For me depression is a necessary part of creativity and I have come to understand it and live with it. If I deny it and try to avoid it I only prolong the inevitable.
"Emergencies have always been necessary to progress. It was darkness which produced the lamp. It was fog that produced the compass. It was hunger that drove us to exploration. And it took a depression to teach us the real value of a job."
-Victor Hugo
3:37 AM
A lap dance is always better when the stripper is crying.
3:11 PM
Ahhh, inspiration. Thank you anonymous and Sherrill, you spared me the depression. You just stired up the muck somewhere deep down inside of me. Rotting garbage and crying strippers, man thats good stuff.
6:13 PM
Last night I had a dream where I went into the basement of the house I grew up in and started yelling. I screamed, "you motherfuckers don't scare me any more". Then all these Zombies got up and started strolling towards me. I shut the door and wiped my hands together feeling it was a job well done.
5:43 AM
She was in her own way. She could not enjoy the dance because the concious dancer would not let her. Kurt, in this instance your art is shutting the controling Kurt down. Depression is a defence mechinisem of art. Art needs Kurt to transfer the insperation to something tangable. KURT..... GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY!!!! And there goes the depression.......
5:58 PM
Sherrill, It wasen't the dancee.... after all I had a handfull of one's.
6:20 PM
Kpinl, I've been to your basement sometime in your late twentys. For some reason all the zombies live with me. Thanks! Or perhaps it was my falt for trying to help. I don't know.
6:25 PM
Thank you very much anonymous one with the hand full of dollars. Very well put. This way of seeing clears a path for me. The path that has been hidden and told it does not exist by the controler. It also helps me to understand that I don't have to beat myself up in order to let inspiration come through. One of the basic principles of martial arts is; in order to not get hit you must first get out of the way. It is going to take some serious work to get out of the way of my own blows.
8:42 PM
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